After The Music Fades ...

adit came back surprisingly into my life. he showed up on friendster, and add me to his friend's list. it was very shocking indeed. sms jedi about it, and he reply it through friendster's messaging after i approved adit's request. i felt terrible wrong and mislead by 'i dont know what!'. i felt stupid, and low. my reply to jedi's reaction was also mislead by my short thoughts. i thought that my -so called war- with adit has ended, at least i'd like to think it that way. but it seems that jedi can't accept my decision. he thinks that adit deserves to be treated and dealt with anger, hatred, bitterness, and vengeance. finally, jedi called this morning, and we talked about it. he admitted, that he tried to make me feel the way he feels towards this guy. in the end, i know i should choose my own way. and in the end i took me to cry my pain and confusion out, until he understands and agree with me. even though i know, it's hard for him to accept that. after that, we can talk normally without any arguments that matters. we hung up on each other nicely today. it made me smile.

then i met yumma online, and he helped me to look at my actual position, where exactly i'm standing on, right now. well, the way God lead me into knowing where i really am, kinda disappointed me. got kinda blue, so i quickly ended the conversation. even though he said bobby was online, and he kept on asking and talking about me. so what? i dont see a point in anything that went by that moment. i was feeling saved by my internet connection, that suddenly went out! hahaha.

but then again, i feel so tired with my situation. everything seems uncertain. i feel left behind. i feel, once again lonely. but i cant afford to feel down, and stay down. i feel like want to rest and runaway from the harsh things life has put me into.
this songs lyrics kinda help me understand ... by Shaun Groves, and here how it goes:

Lord, take me
From this place
Into a world that has no time.
No hurries, no worries,
Gladly I leave them all behind
Down here; I'm letting go and drawing near.

I wanna sing.
I wanna fly.
I wanna see from Your side of the sky.
I wanna love.
I wanna stay,
Wanna be close to You
Long after the music fades.

Lord, I come
To give You
Much more than just a melody.
Please take me and break me;
Right now God, I don't want to leave
Unchanged; I never wanna be the same.

'Cause Lord You are
Mighty, Awesome, Righteous,
Gracious, Knowing,
In me overflowing.
Father, Teacher, Master, Leader
Jealous, Loving, You are.
You are life.You are love.
You are everything that I'm needing

what happened since yesterday made me pause everything that i'm enjoying. and think, meditate, on every word that The Lord has given me to survive this life. after that i know, that He will catch me if i fall. and even though the music fades, He's life, He's love, He's everything that i'm needing.